Thursday, January 24, 2008

Self-fulfilling prophecies?

For a few years now I’ve made the decision not to involve myself in my friends’ love life, even if I think they might be in a bad relationship and making a mistake. One of the reasons is that most people don’t really want someone else opinion about their love life. Seriously, do you know many people that listen to their friend when one of them tells them: “I think that girl (boy) is bad for you.” They know that person better then we do (usually), they like (love) that person and what they want to know is that they make a great couple and that it is going to last forever. Saying anything else is probably going to be seeing as being a bad friend, being jealous of them or not knowing the person well enough. Another reason I took that decision is that frankly all my friends are adult, and are responsible for their action. If they really want to know that I think about their relationship they will have asked me to tell them what I think before they are in any relationship. The only problem with that approach that I’ve seen is that only one of my friends asked me this, and her standard for a boyfriend are so high they make my standard for a girlfriend looks easy so I doubt that she’ll even find a guy that won’t fit well with her.

However the main reason is that these opinions can become self-fulfilling prophecies. You see, maybe someone I see as being bad for someone else is in fact very good but telling that person that I think she is bad for her lead the person to question her relationship. He stars to become more distant thinking about what I said trying to find flaws in the relationship; his idea is to prove me wrong, of course. But when you start to search for flaws and things that do not go well in something you can usually find some. When you start to put all your attention on negative things well you start to see everything in a negative light and the words instead of being falsified become more and more possible. In short, by looking at only the bad part of the relationship and not the whole your making the idea that it is a bad relationship a lot more interesting. After a period of time of feeding this circle of negativity, it becomes clear that the person was not the good one and the prophecy fulfill itself.
The question then becomes, would it had ended without the prophecy? And was it really a bad relationship or was it ruin by the words of another? It’s not that I find the “responsibility” of that too high, it’s more than I hate self-fulfilling prophecies, they stink of bad writing and are too linear.

1 comment:

yofed said...

You're mostly right, however, I remember a friend who said "after the relationship was over, everyone told me they tought he was not a guy for me... so why didn't anyone said so in the first place?"

My man can be seen as a jerk, he often is. If someone would have pointed it out to me earlier, there is a chance we might not be together now... but he's a tolerable jerk! ;)