Friday, May 05, 2006

Decisions and thoughts

After reading yofed comment, Vi's private comment and doing a little thinking by myself (yep I do that sometimes, shocking isn't it?) I've come to a decision about the girl of Kyrgyztan. I won't be giving her the address of this blog and I will try to make her understand that she doesn't love me but she thinks she loves my internet persona, which is very different from the whole me. Frankly after writing that post (I was still talking to her when I did) I realised that her "love" was more of a teenage infatuation. She apparently has never been in love and she is currently acting like a teenage girl online in talking with me. This is getting annoying fast because it makes it impossible to have a nice conversation, she's basically only saying: "I love you" every two minutes not much of a conversation you understand. Also even if the attention is flattering (from what she say I've become her whole world at the moment) it is not the kind of relationship I would be looking for (if she was living way closer to me). I want someone that I can share stuff with that I can argue (you probably know I love arguing) with and that my equal in our couple.

Oh and just to make something clear, I am not falling in love with her and I don't consider her a be prospective love interest. We do not know each other, we cannot know each other and we in all probability never have the chance to really get to know each other. Even if I was to travel to her country for a visit or (even more unlikely) she was to travel to canada to visit me there is no way we would have enough time for love to grow into something we could share.

Now, thinking about this made me question something about my blog, I've said some personal things in the past here and I have shared some of my deep thoughts. Now I plan on continuing the blog as long as I feel it is fun to do and that it help me learn about myself. So that brought me to this question: When I find a girlfriend, do I tell her about this blog or do I kept it my personal secret? Now I can see argument for both side, it my "secret garden" where I might even talk about her or some frustration about our relationship, but on the other hand it a little hypocritical to think that something on a public forum like the internet is a secret. Beside, I never want to be ashamed of what I think and if someone cannot at least accept what i write here or at least accept that it is my opinion (or a a frustrated rant that only represent my angers at something for a short while) very possibly will not be able to have a long term relationship with me. I guess I will tell her and show her this blog, I'll let her read it if she want and comment as she want. At least I'll try that with my next one, if it cause a break up I'll probably reconsider.

2 comments:

yofed said...

My man knows about my blog, but doesn't read it. For me, it's the best, even if his friend reports him stuff once in a while... it's your call... :) You may tell her you have a blog where you get things out, without really wanting her to know, a little like a diary that you share with some far away friends who can tell you what they think... and argue with you, of course! lol

As for the long distance relationship. I have been in one. It was nice because it is hard to fight when you are so far away... but you also don't get to really know each other, and each grow apart, and when they meet after, things are too different. It might work for some people, but I don't know too many!

anyflower said...

As you say, internet and real life person is rarely the same. Reasonable people know there also is a "entertainment" value to a blog and that some discussions become "bigger" or more shocking because of that. I think there is of course some stuff on your blog that could scare a new girlfriend. I would wait a bit until I show it to her, let her know your real life personnality so that she knows you you are before she reads this. Anyway, that's my point of view. That's what I did with C.

I also think a blog is not a place to "wash a couple's laundry". You know, you can share frustrations on IM but do you want everything to stay on a blog? I would'nt. If I wrote about that, it would be on a personal diary (=private).