Thursday, January 26, 2006

A man answer to Piccollo...

Picollo a good friend (even if we do disaggree on everything political) asked on her blog this question: Why Men are Men? Allow me to quote her post and to answer it as a man to "defend" mankind. Please note however that nothing I will say is an answer to Picollo's situation.

I think girls will understand here. At first, when you go out with a guy, he is nice, wants to look good, he helps you at home. Everything's good. He wants to take time with you and have fun. But after a while, everything is more important then you. But he loves you! Just that he doesn't realize this is not enought to think it, he has to show it to you!

And what is realy funny about this blog is that I know sometimes, Mr. Stormcrow read it. Mr. I love you so much, but thse times, I'm not feeling it too much because of not enought time together. My life is a bit too crazy for me, and when I can't count on you to help me, it's a bit too hard. I know everything will take his place soon, but I need to see that you love me.

My best friend and I conclued that the perfect man for us (beautiful, romantic, good at home) is inexistent or gay... And most already be with someone...

Well having experience the same reaction in previous reaction and though about it now that I am single (and for some reason I'm pretty sure this post will not help the situation...) . I don't pretend to have a definitive answer but I have some observation to make that might I hope make some woman think and maybe help in understanding this.

First, I think that affection and "show" of love have some addictive propriety, namely when you have some for a while you need more so that it feels special and in effect you need many more or more impressive "show" of love to consider you had as many show of love as before.

Second , most men that are nice, wants to look good for you and spend a lot of time with you are usually the kind of men that will keep their promise, to you and to other. So when they promise someone to do something every week there are very few things that will make them break their promises even if they have less and less time.

Third, people (not just woman or men) have a tendancy to want to have time with their loved one WHEN they want to have it, not when their parterner are availlable. This create the problem that we feel our parterner are deserting us when in fact they are simply as busy as we are and we just don't take the time to find time where it would be good for the both of them.

Fourth, I've experience that woman that fell they are not getting shown any love stop showing love to their parterner. This create a loop in a way, a guy slow is shows of love, the girl inconciously slow her show of love then since he is not being shown love he doesn't really think about love he lower again his shows of love and the circle continu until both do not feel loved anymore. I think that a little show of unexpected love, a little flower or an unplaned message goes a long way to solve that problem.

Fifth, their is sometimes large difference in teh amonts of free time two people have and that really cause havoc on the time spend togethere. If person 1 has lots of free time she end up seeing her friends, doing her hobbies and having time to enjoy her significant other. If she is with person 2 that as basically a precisous few hours of free time a week she might end up filling up on scheduled event with friends, some hobbies because her free time happens while person 1 is busy and she done. She tries to set time with person 1 but life interefer and she lacks time but since person 1 has time she fell that person 2 isn't giving her enought attention.

Sixth, I don't really belive that woman want a beautiful, romantic, good at home perfect man for a husban or boyfriend. They like man say they want perfection but don't want it because perfection makes you feel bad when you are not perfect. I can't say I know what man or woman want but I'm pretty sure perfection is not it.

Finally I don't think I've defened men position or even really answered the question but I belive that I might have raised some issue that might put the problem in new light. Like most couple problem I don't belive the men or the women are the only one to blame for it cause. Sometimes it feel like men don't show their love for their women but have their woman showed them their love? And men if you fell you are making all the effort in the relation, think about what your significant other has done to accomodate you. You will probably find that you are the one that is not putting enough effort into the relation.

Now if I can only listen to my own advice in my next relationship, I'd probably be a much better partner

1 comment:

yofed said...

Wow! What a comprehensive answer to her post! Really impressive!